2nd one, Mommy?

When our elder girl was 2.5 yo and started going to school, she also started asking if she could have a baby sister (no, not brother) and she has been asking consistently since then.  At that point, I was really just contented to have just 1 child - already a bonus by my standards - and will go through life that way.  Happy.

Somewhere around the time she turned 3.5 yo, the hubby also joined in this campaign - asking for a 2nd child.  His reasons were different: what if our girl has to solely shoulder the emotional and physical difficults when we are old and ill?  wouldn't it be nice if she could share it with a sibling?  of course will be make sure we are financially independant but do we really want her to go through it alone?  All these cropped up after his mom passed away suddenly and he felt the comfort from sharing his grieve with his siblings... and felt it was important for our girl to have that support system.  Afterall, relatives can support but not to a level that is deep enough.  Then I said, ok, let's explore and he was.... happy.

Our #1 then started to ask more frequently about having a little sister to share her toys with, to feed, dress (ya, like a doll), bathe (yes again, like a doll), to play with, to go shopping with.  You can obviously see why a boy wouldn't fit into her plan : )  On her own, she started to weave this petition into her nightly prayers and it was then I realised she was really really serious about becoming a big sister.  I started asking her how would she feel about sharing mommy and daddy with the new baby, about sharing everything and consistently she said of course!  Happy.

On my part, I started to really ask myself if it's what I want; I was readying myself to go back to part-time work and eventually full time when #1 goes to P1.  I was getting excited with little projects I had embarked on.... and to leave it aside to start all over again.... it was a mountainuous thought.  Oh my, the night feeds, the constant bottle washing, poos/pees, crying..... was I really ready?  The truth?  NO, not really.  For those of you who are full time moms, I know you are nodding and understand it all.  As much joy and fulfilment full time motherhood brings, there is always this selfless/self-sacrificing element which gets very difficult at times.  You can't go to the loo without someone opening the door to ask for something - never the odour.   I was turning 39 and one day, I looked into the mirror and realised how much I was neglecting myself.  Where was that groomed career woman I once was?  Some nights, I'm so bushed, I collapse into deep sleep without a drop of skincare on my face when in the past I had a 9-step facial regime before bedtime.  My hair: it was long, wiry and flat with an almost-"Elvira" fringe.  Sigh....  To cut the long story short - I started to seriously evaluate if I can go through the difficult first 3 years with another baby.  The NO became no and became not really and then maybe... and finally, what the hell, why not?  Afterall, it's just 3 years more and I'll have the rest of my life to do what I really want to do!  Ahhh...happy.

Let's do it again!