Women Without Children by Susan S. Lang
I just gotta share this book that I'm reading with you.
I don't know the reasons of your adoption(s); mine was clearly medical - crazy hormones that refuses to behave. Even today. With my crazy hormones, I'm constantly reminded of my infertility. What used to bug me like crazy, is today, just an irritating inconvenience - I shall spare of it the details.
Anyway, I chanced upon the above book at the library last week. What made me borrow it was a particular chapter - Infertility & Medical Interference. Here's a segment which particularly caught my attention:
"Some women feel that society devalues adoption and may reject it because of that....they reported that love in adoption is second rate because it lacks the biological bond, that the kids are second rate because their genetic past is a mystery, and that adoptive parenting isn't "real" parenting. Women who feel this way are still infertile, according to the authors of Let's Talk Adoption, rather than no longer infertile. If they did adopt at that stage, they'd see their new child as a constant reminder that they were denied a biological child. To be successful, adoption must become a first choice rather than the second best. Only when infertility is transformed into an opportunity, an affirmation, can the option of adoption be most successful."
The above is the findings of a survey done amongst 71 infertile women aged 25-41.
Well, here are my 2 cents worth:
1) the women who rejected adoption were probably not well supported by the people around them, unfortunately, because if they were, then the society at large would be further from the child who will be brought up within an honest and loving environment.
2) the only hang up I have about not having biological children is my curiosity about how he/she will look! And this does not replace know much I love my girls' faces right now. I love them for who they are and how they look like now.
3) after yearning for a child, adopting was to me, the next best option, not in a second rate kind of way for us. More like the next available option which isn't inferior to having biological kids at all!....Thank God we had other options!
4) yes, looking at my girls, I am reminded constantly of my infertility (sans the bitterness) BUT it also reminds me about how blessed I am to have them!
5) I've also shared before that my curiosity about how it'd feel to have a baby swirling in th belly was satiated when I rested my 2.5 kg baby on my abdomen; her gentle wiggling totally helped me overcome this desire.
Well, all I'm trying to say here is that all of us will experience different emotions when parenting a child, biological or not. Dig deep when deciding if this is how you'd like to form your family. For us, it's the best thing we've done and I urge you to get on this journey.
I don't know the reasons of your adoption(s); mine was clearly medical - crazy hormones that refuses to behave. Even today. With my crazy hormones, I'm constantly reminded of my infertility. What used to bug me like crazy, is today, just an irritating inconvenience - I shall spare of it the details.
Anyway, I chanced upon the above book at the library last week. What made me borrow it was a particular chapter - Infertility & Medical Interference. Here's a segment which particularly caught my attention:
"Some women feel that society devalues adoption and may reject it because of that....they reported that love in adoption is second rate because it lacks the biological bond, that the kids are second rate because their genetic past is a mystery, and that adoptive parenting isn't "real" parenting. Women who feel this way are still infertile, according to the authors of Let's Talk Adoption, rather than no longer infertile. If they did adopt at that stage, they'd see their new child as a constant reminder that they were denied a biological child. To be successful, adoption must become a first choice rather than the second best. Only when infertility is transformed into an opportunity, an affirmation, can the option of adoption be most successful."
The above is the findings of a survey done amongst 71 infertile women aged 25-41.
Well, here are my 2 cents worth:
1) the women who rejected adoption were probably not well supported by the people around them, unfortunately, because if they were, then the society at large would be further from the child who will be brought up within an honest and loving environment.
2) the only hang up I have about not having biological children is my curiosity about how he/she will look! And this does not replace know much I love my girls' faces right now. I love them for who they are and how they look like now.
3) after yearning for a child, adopting was to me, the next best option, not in a second rate kind of way for us. More like the next available option which isn't inferior to having biological kids at all!....Thank God we had other options!
4) yes, looking at my girls, I am reminded constantly of my infertility (sans the bitterness) BUT it also reminds me about how blessed I am to have them!
5) I've also shared before that my curiosity about how it'd feel to have a baby swirling in th belly was satiated when I rested my 2.5 kg baby on my abdomen; her gentle wiggling totally helped me overcome this desire.
Well, all I'm trying to say here is that all of us will experience different emotions when parenting a child, biological or not. Dig deep when deciding if this is how you'd like to form your family. For us, it's the best thing we've done and I urge you to get on this journey.
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