8 & nearly 4

Goodness gracious!  Can't believe it's nearly the end of 2013 and I'm still blinking at how fast my kids are sprouting right before my eyes!  Hardly any time to take stock sometimes, but it is necessary.

Apologies for not providing updates regularly though....  I'm either too busy, too tired (old mom syndrome), too distracted and yes, too dang lazy.

My elder girl turned 8 recently and I asked a good friend to bake her favourite Oreos Cheesecake.  On the cake was to be a photo of her.  It was there and then that I started looking at the pics again and realised how time has passed!  

I love this series of sculptures by Willow Tree; my sis-in-law sent a few to us when we had the girls. http://www.demdaco.com/Parents-with-2-children/00024,default,pd.html?start=20&cgid=1060003&brandId=WT

Each time I marvel at my girls, I'm bathed in awe at how my life  changed so dramatically when we decided to be adoptive parents.  On the back of this thought, I will also realise how it could have just remained as it was if we had decided otherwise to continue trying for a biological child.  And to this day, we would have still been childless.  What could that look like?  It could have been just career-centric, well, I would have been able to buy anything I wanted for myself, gone on holidays upon holidays, etc but all these would not have brought the depth and breadth of the love I have been shown and I look forward to experiencing more through these 2 angels.  And I speak for myself; not anyone else. 

Earlier on, I shared how my elder girl asked at 6 years of age if she could call her Tummy Mummy, Mummy, if she met her.  Well, at 8, this conversation surfaced again when we were lying side by side on my bed, and this time, after I told her naturally, I'll experience a tinge of jealousy, she looked at me very reassuringly (like as if roles were reversed) and said,"But who was the one who looked after me since I was a day old, huh?  So what do you think?" Firstly, I was very taken aback at her ability to comfort and assure me and secondly, a warm fuzzy feeling came upon me that she was matured enough to soothe my not yet ruffled feathers.  See what I mean by the depth and breadth of love between parent and child?

Since we were on this page and I sensed she was ready to talk, I asked how she feels now about being adopted.  Usually, before a Disclosure Talk at Touch, she would give me a one or two liner for the participants, like, "Tell them adoption is good", "Tell them I'm very happy." and sometimes it's "Tell them to do it." but lately, whenever I asked if she had something to say, she'd say, "Nothing la."  So I zoomed in on that.  To my surprise and happiness, she said,"Well, Mom, being adopted is already er3 bian1 feng1 (wind passing my ears).  That's why I have nothing to say."  I realised there and then that she has accepted it as part of our family's identity and gone on to other aspects of her life... like school and growing up.  I was really proud of this moment because it really told me a lot.  It really affirmed the fact that early disclosure is just so necessary.  And this is the stage I want her to be at - of acceptance and to embrace her identity - just as how natural it is for the sun to rise in the east and sets in the west.  

As for my 3.5 yo, I have to admit that I haven't been putting in as much effort disclosing to her as I did with her sister.  That said, whenever I had anything to say related to adoption, it's always in her presence.  So I'm assuming it's as natural for her too at this stage.  To test this, I asked her just this week, "Mei mei, do you know you and Jie Jie have 2 mummies and 2 daddies each?"  This very chatty, expressive little speedy Gonzales turned to me, smiled and said,"Ya, mummy!  I already know!"  At this point, Jie jie asked, what is her birthmom's name and of course, the small one wanted to know the same.  Viola!  Another disclosure opportunity!  

A dear friend of mine, a fellow adoptive mom, Wei Lei, always said it is just so important to be our children's Safe Place, for it is in this place where they know they are safe and secure enough to ask any questions they have; adoption related or not.  And I'm so thankful that my husband and I are our children's Safe Place - it definitely isn't one way. I'm already glimpsing that they already have a Safe Place for us within them too.  What more can a mom ask for?

http://www.demdaco.com/Parents/1060003,default,sc.html?brandId=WT

Have a great weekend, everyone!