Planning to Adopt Again? Why Not?

My plan was to be a stay home mom for 4 years and when she was old enough to be in full day childcare, I was going back to work.  Yes, motherhood to one was motherhood enough.  Let’s just say my plan got derailed!

When our daughter turned 2.5, she started asking for a sister.  Initially, I brushed it off as peer pressure when her classmates’ parents were ‘showing’ and popping all around us (yes, I can still be a sour grape, can’t I?  Grin.) but her requests were consistent & persistent - lasted for 2 years.  

When she was 2, my mother-in-law passed away suddenly and when I saw how my hubby’s siblings came together to support each other in grief, I realized a couple of things.  First, we are older parents, so our daughter will have to go through this earlier in life.  Secondly, she will have to handle all the emotional and physical grief hurdles all on her own!  

When we were on a beach holiday, we noticed other families with more than 2 children happily building sandcastles together whilst their parents sat under the umbrella sipping their Piña Coladas and Mojitos…and us?  We were slogging under the sun with her building the sandcastle which wasn’t really happening.  Yes, I certainly would have loved to sip that Mojito under the shade too but that was not the point.  It was the absence of having someone she could learn how to have a clean fight with, to learn the pain of sharing and sacrifice with, that the world does not evolve around her, someone to develop a close kinship with….  

My next biggest fear then was: How is it possible to love another child/baby, as much as I love my first?  The answer was short but very sweet from my best friend who has 3 sons.  She said,” Please la, you’ll just grow another heart!”   AND I DID!  When our daughter was 4.5 years old, we welcomed our second daughter and we are so so super happy we did because she brought a whole new dimension to parenting and sibling-hood into our lives.  We realized we were unconsciously spoiling our first child (something we said we would NEVER EVER do), that she, indeed, felt the pain of sharing and sacrifice.  I feel we became more balanced as parents too when bringing up another human being with a totally different temperament and character.

I believe it’ll make us better people in the end!