We Just Want You To Know...Our Adoption Journey

I had a very unexpected morning today: bumped into some acquaintance on the way out. When he saw me carrying #2, a baby, he said his wife, who was seated in the car, would love to meet her. When I asked if they have kids, he said,"We had 2 miscarriages and have a long story.". well, I believe there is no such thing as coincidence especially with the Big Man above. He had sent them my way for a reason. When S said,"I don't recall seeing you pregnant but I guess I haven't seen you for some time.", I knew that was my que. I said,"I wasn't. And i too, have a long story. Ask your wife to come out of the car." The handful of childless couples I've met and journeyed with so far, all, like us before our girls came along, were trying different methods of conceiving and seeing different Western; or Eastern doctors. This process is important - it is important NOT to jump into it. It is necessary to know that you have tried all means necess...

I just gotta share this book that I'm reading with you. I don't know the reasons of your adoption(s); mine was clearly medical - crazy hormones that refuses to behave.  Even today.  With my crazy hormones, I'm constantly reminded of my infertility. What used to bug me like crazy, is today, just an irritating inconvenience - I shall spare of it the details. Anyway, I chanced upon the above book at the library last week. What made me borrow it was a particular chapter - Infertility & Medical Interference. Here's a segment which particularly caught my attention: "Some women feel that society devalues adoption and may reject it because of that....they reported that love in adoption is second rate because it lacks the biological bond, that the kids are second rate because their genetic past is a mystery, and that adoptive parenting isn't "real" parenting. Women who feel this way are still infertile, according to the authors of Let's Talk Adop...

Being an adoptive mom, I was dreading the time I had to begin disclosing her adoption to her.  I learnt from another mom that she started practicing her disclosure when she bathed or changed her baby.  What a fantastic idea! My baby girl was then about 9 months old and I decided to try it out.  Boy was it a disaster!  First of all, the vocabulary:  birth mom, forever mommy, put up for adoption vs give up for adoption, etc, just couldn't flow smoothly.  I was saying it all wrong!  How challenging was it to use positive words!  When I did finally feel comfortable with the sentences I was saying, I wrote them down.  And the list started to grow. And became more refined. For my daughter, I wanted to cement my love for her with my words to affirm that though we are an adoptive family, we ARE a family; just brought together differently.  So that was when the idea of publishing a book struck. At adoptive parents support groups, we are all...

(here's another blog I had written sometime ago and forgot to publish....too funny not to!) Bumped into some old friends a couple of Sundays ago and they commented that we now finally have kids and didn't we get married some time ago, how come the kids are so young?  And were they conceived naturally... blah de blah.  No, I wasn't offended at all cos it's the truth, we have been married coming 14.5 yrs now and our kids are just 5.5 & 1 yo.  I replied that we are adoptive parents (I seldom like to say that our kids are adopted, rather prefer to say they we are adoptive parents).  I then realised I had told her without asking the permission of my 5.5 yo.  Luckily she wasn't within earshot... but I took the opportunity to ask for permission when we went to the ladies and it went like this: Me: "Jie, can I tell Aunty G that we are an adoptive family?" #1:  "No, mommy." Me:  "Why not?" #1:  "Because it's a secret!"...

When our elder girl was 2.5 yo and started going to school, she also started asking if she could have a baby sister (no, not brother) and she has been asking consistently since then.  At that point, I was really just contented to have just 1 child - already a bonus by my standards - and will go through life that way.  Happy. Somewhere around the time she turned 3.5 yo, the hubby also joined in this campaign - asking for a 2nd child.  His reasons were different: what if our girl has to solely shoulder the emotional and physical difficults when we are old and ill?  wouldn't it be nice if she could share it with a sibling?  of course will be make sure we are financially independant but do we really want her to go through it alone?  All these cropped up after his mom passed away suddenly and he felt the comfort from sharing his grieve with his siblings... and felt it was important for our girl to have that support system.  Afterall, relatives can support ...

Who am I? I'm now a full time mom, ex-'Love-My-Job-Like-Hell-Never-Thought-I'd-Quit' Marketeer :) The usual story, took too long after getting married to start a family cos (see above para) and realised that it wasn't that easy to conceive. Traditional Chinese Meds, hormone therapy, IUI, jabs, blood tests and laproscophies over 5 years was really a lot to take. (No, we didn't try IVF). Emotionally it was taxing, lots of mood swings, of course a lot of tears - monthly, when 'Aunty Jane' visits.... [If you are on a similar journey of infertility, you're not alone and don't go through it alone. Share with your husband, your mom, your girlfriends and/or be part of a support group and if you can't find one, start one. It really helps to talk about it and be privy to thought processes shared by others.] Adoption was a remote option of mine - yeah, the usual reasons of 1) I don't know the birthparents (smokers? on drugs? crazy genes?.... ...