We Just Want You To Know...Our Adoption Journey

I absolutely love love diving.  No, I don't do the Jacques Cousteau, deep blue strong currents type of trips but the lagoon, wall, go with the current, reef dives cos as much as I love the excitement of those Cousteau-ish dives, I must remember that I'm a mom and have kids to take care of when I surface.  Where I happen to spend most of my time - instead of underwater, where I much prefer!  haha!   Whenever I'm underwater, I am in awe.  If not for my regulator, I would have had my mouth open throughout each dive.  The colours, the creatures (fishes, turtles, seahorses, octopus, squids, nudibranches, soft and hard corals.... the list goes on) are just simply beautiful; all God's creations!  Can you spot a Frog Fish? My fave kinda slug - Nudibranch A sight I never ever tire of Anyway, my dream came true in Bohol, Philippines.... I've always wanted to show my children the marvels of God's creations and this June, I final...

I was driving my 8 year old home from school, she quietly said,”  Mummy, Nicole asked if there was something wrong with me, that’s why my tummy mummy give me away? ”    Although I was driving, I could see tears pooling in her eyes and could definitely hear it in her tone of voice.    My heart ached for my little one as I braved myself to ask, “Do you think there is something wrong with you?” (Throw pebbles & watch the ripples......)    She blinked back her tears and asked, “Is there?”.    I decided that telling her how perfect she is in my eyes might sound too defensive so I decided to remind her of her unique talents.  I said, "Well, you are a natural athlete; see how well you are doing at gymnastics and ballet, you scored full marks at your mid-year for Chinese (a language we don't even speak at home!), how good you are with people around us, how big your heart is, how funny you are.... so to me, you are as perfect as perfect can...

I've always told others and now I'm telling it to myself.... that it is not so easy to die.  Seriously :)   2017 was totally new chapter for our family; small one started life in primary school which the elder one ended hers - both in the same school.  The little one loved the fact that she had an older sister who orientated her very well; had her friends fussed over her.  And the big sister truly played that part very well.  Made us both very proud.  The teachers knew they were sisters and was very warm right from the get go. There were many changes too, to their girls' schedules.  Small one had a lot more activities going thus, I was on the road quite a bit (should I sign up to be a Grab Hitch driver?).  Throughout it all, I just feel very blessed to be able to ferry my kids around.... that i have kids to ferry around.  I'd be lying if I said I had this feeling all the time though, without apologies, I think I'm entitled to feel fa...

My plan was to be a stay home mom for 4 years and when she was old enough to be in full day childcare, I was going back to work.   Yes, motherhood to one was motherhood enough.   Let’s just say my plan got derailed! When our daughter turned 2.5, she started asking for a sister.   Initially, I brushed it off as peer pressure when her classmates’ parents were ‘showing’ and popping all around us ( yes, I can still be a sour grape, can’t I?   Grin. ) but her requests were consistent & persistent - lasted for 2 years.    When she was 2, my mother-in-law passed away suddenly and when I saw how my hubby’s siblings came together to support each other in grief, I realized a couple of things.   First, we are older parents, so our daughter will have to go through this earlier in life.   Secondly, she will have to handle all the emotional and physical grief hurdles all on her own!    When we were on a beach holiday, we noticed o...

My 11 yo and I were watching "This Is Us", a new American TV series about a white family who adopted a coloured boy.  They were expecting triplets but one was born asleep.  By divine intervention, the coloured boy was found on the same day in front of a fire station, and the couple felt it was how their triplets should be completed.  The show switches from past to present and how each of their relationships have evolved. As the topic of adoption was featured, I took the opportunity to ask her if she has wondered how it would have been if she wasn't adopted; that she remained with her birthmother.  Being a very happy-go-lucky, happy girl, she looked straight at me, smiled and said,"No, la!  I'm just a regular normal girl with my normal mom.  Why would I think that?"  I smiled back, said,"Just checkin'.", and we just went on talking about something else.   I've always learnt to 'throw a pebble' and see how the water ripples a...

My sincere apologies for the radio silence.... I've recently taken a step back to take in all that I have going on in my life and decided to make a few changes.  One of which is, I hope, to be able to blog more.  Either here or somewhere else.  I really feel like a digital dinosaur.  I know I'm a digital immigrant but hey, I've to at least thrive, not just try to survive in this world..... Otherwise, my age will show, haha! (Note to self:  catch up on digital marketing and the latest online happenings... FAST!) I've decided to scale down at work and scale up at home..... The elder girl will be in P6 next year and small one will enter P1.  Both will be in the same school and the hubs and I are really really grateful, thankful and chaffed that they are sooooo happy!  We went for the P1 orientation today and the small one had a personal tour of the school already by her big sis.  I could tell by both their expressions that they are both cont...

Goodness gracious!  Can't believe it's nearly the end of 2013 and I'm still blinking at how fast my kids are sprouting right before my eyes!  Hardly any time to take stock sometimes, but it is necessary. Apologies for not providing updates regularly though....  I'm either too busy, too tired (old mom syndrome), too distracted and yes, too dang lazy. My elder girl turned 8 recently and I asked a good friend to bake her favourite Oreos Cheesecake.  On the cake was to be a photo of her.  It was there and then that I started looking at the pics again and realised how time has passed!   I love this series of sculptures by Willow Tree; my sis-in-law sent a few to us when we had the girls. http://www.demdaco.com/Parents-with-2-children/00024,default,pd.html?start=20&cgid=1060003&brandId=WT Each time I marvel at my girls, I'm bathed in awe at how my life  changed so dramatically when we decided to be adoptive parents.  On the back...

In a few days' time, my younger girl will be turning 3.  No more a baby and she insists on that too.  We threw her a Dora themed party last weekend and it was just so heart-warming to see her little face light up when she saw the balloons, streamers and banners we put up for that day.  "Thank you, Mommy!" with her hands clasped - that made it all worthwhile for me.  In our family, it has somewhat become a tradition for the birthday girl to wake up to some sort of decoration in our house.  Nothing expensive nor fancy; it is the thought and effort that counts.  The looks on their faces:  Priceless. It really doesn't take much to make me happy as far as my kids are concerned.  Their emotions are worn on their sleeves and I just work at giving them a balanced life; as much as I know what 'balanced' means.  She has blossomed into a little being with a very big heart coupled with a quick tongue.  Very small and slim in stature.  Super ...

My little 19 mth old loves to sit on my legs... I'm her portable seat... with pleasure! Bouncing up & down on my little red wagon....

For those of you who are wondering this, well, there really isn't a perfect time... sorry to disappoint you. There are, however, some questions you might want to ask yourselves to derive when will be YOUR best time to adopt: 1)  When do you want your child/children to be when you turn 50?  (Well, either one of you; just benchmark against which of you will get there first.) 2)  Is your marriage currently child-friendly/child-safe? That is, is your relationship stable?  Dig deep into your hearts and be totally honest.  If it is not, do work at sorting out your issues because with a baby/child thrown into your family equation it will surely NOT help.  Imagine having all these issues to sort out ON TOP OF being exhausted, ill-adjusted to your new family, etc.... 3)  What kind of support do you have around you to help you?  Yes, spouses are included... 4)  Are your jobs secured in order to provide for the child?  No, you don't...

With a blink of an eye, #1 will turn 6 this month.... wow!  Can't believe how fast these 6 yrs have passed - some days of looking after her since she was a newborn & toddler seemed endless and long yet it has all gone almost too quickly.   She has blossomed into a beautiful young girl; always polite, pleasant, caring, thoughtful, matured for her age... all I had wanted and more in a child I call my own.   Yesterday, she dropped her first tooth; bottom right front tooth - had to do it at the dentist and she was a real trooper.  Though scared, she took a deep breath and left it all to the Dr Yang.  I was soooo proud of her.  Of course I have played Tooth Fairy last night.  Left a S$1 gold coin, a note saying "You were so brave!" and her little tooth under the pillow.  The look on her face was priceless when she found it.  Well, half of her thinks it was me and the other half thinks there really is a Tooth Fairy.  I'l...

I had a very unexpected morning today: bumped into some acquaintance on the way out. When he saw me carrying #2, a baby, he said his wife, who was seated in the car, would love to meet her. When I asked if they have kids, he said,"We had 2 miscarriages and have a long story.". well, I believe there is no such thing as coincidence especially with the Big Man above. He had sent them my way for a reason. When S said,"I don't recall seeing you pregnant but I guess I haven't seen you for some time.", I knew that was my que. I said,"I wasn't. And i too, have a long story. Ask your wife to come out of the car." The handful of childless couples I've met and journeyed with so far, all, like us before our girls came along, were trying different methods of conceiving and seeing different Western; or Eastern doctors. This process is important - it is important NOT to jump into it. It is necessary to know that you have tried all means necess...

I just gotta share this book that I'm reading with you. I don't know the reasons of your adoption(s); mine was clearly medical - crazy hormones that refuses to behave.  Even today.  With my crazy hormones, I'm constantly reminded of my infertility. What used to bug me like crazy, is today, just an irritating inconvenience - I shall spare of it the details. Anyway, I chanced upon the above book at the library last week. What made me borrow it was a particular chapter - Infertility & Medical Interference. Here's a segment which particularly caught my attention: "Some women feel that society devalues adoption and may reject it because of that....they reported that love in adoption is second rate because it lacks the biological bond, that the kids are second rate because their genetic past is a mystery, and that adoptive parenting isn't "real" parenting. Women who feel this way are still infertile, according to the authors of Let's Talk Adop...

Being an adoptive mom, I was dreading the time I had to begin disclosing her adoption to her.  I learnt from another mom that she started practicing her disclosure when she bathed or changed her baby.  What a fantastic idea! My baby girl was then about 9 months old and I decided to try it out.  Boy was it a disaster!  First of all, the vocabulary:  birth mom, forever mommy, put up for adoption vs give up for adoption, etc, just couldn't flow smoothly.  I was saying it all wrong!  How challenging was it to use positive words!  When I did finally feel comfortable with the sentences I was saying, I wrote them down.  And the list started to grow. And became more refined. For my daughter, I wanted to cement my love for her with my words to affirm that though we are an adoptive family, we ARE a family; just brought together differently.  So that was when the idea of publishing a book struck. At adoptive parents support groups, we are all...

(here's another blog I had written sometime ago and forgot to publish....too funny not to!) Bumped into some old friends a couple of Sundays ago and they commented that we now finally have kids and didn't we get married some time ago, how come the kids are so young?  And were they conceived naturally... blah de blah.  No, I wasn't offended at all cos it's the truth, we have been married coming 14.5 yrs now and our kids are just 5.5 & 1 yo.  I replied that we are adoptive parents (I seldom like to say that our kids are adopted, rather prefer to say they we are adoptive parents).  I then realised I had told her without asking the permission of my 5.5 yo.  Luckily she wasn't within earshot... but I took the opportunity to ask for permission when we went to the ladies and it went like this: Me: "Jie, can I tell Aunty G that we are an adoptive family?" #1:  "No, mommy." Me:  "Why not?" #1:  "Because it's a secret!"...